How To Get Strength While Facing Divorce?

"Seems like even her old girlfriends might be talking her down. She's got her name on the grapevine......She always figured that they were her friends, but maybe they can live without her. It used to be her town, it used to be her town too.....Well, people got used to seeing them both together but now he's gone and life goes on. Nothing lasts forever, oh no....Some of them his friends, some of them her friends, some of them understand. Lord knows that this is just a small town city.....It used to be her town, it used to my town too".

These words written and sung by James Taylor over thirty years ago, about divorce is still poignant several decades later. Often when couples get divorced or break up from a serious, long term relationship, they unintentionally end up having a "divorce" with their friends as well. This is when the couple involved will find out who their true friends are.....or if they even have any!!

A former client named Chloe, who attended counselling sessions at El'ohim Clinic allowed me to share her story....

"When I was a young girl, I dreamed about getting married to my "Prince Charming" just like in the Disney fairytales, sharing my life journey with my best friends and we would all "live happily ever after". Sounds so naive... yes, I know. However, life is Not a fairytale and the "princess" grew up to realise that not everything is "sugar and spice" and life doesn't always go according to plan. During my university days, I was in a serious, long term relationship, we were in-love and were going to get married and live happily ever after. Some of our friends even said we were a "match made in heaven" and although we were not married we looked like a "long time married couple". To cut the story short, I realised after several years that I was merely existing in an unhealthy relationship and I was actually "in-love" with the idea of being in-love and all the wonderful events that I thought would have followed a wedding. I had accepted that when I ended the long term relationship that there would be no more dreams of starting a family and living in a lovely house with a "white picket fence" with him.

I was totally unprepared for the "vanishing act" that followed with my supposedly closest and loyal friends. One moment we are vowing "sisters for life" and "one big happy family through thick and thin" and the next minute, no more party invitations or calls to arrange a "catch up", my close friends even "unfriended" me on Facebook... I was invisible and didn't exist anymore. Were the ten years of close friendships, just a figment of my imagination? Worse still, were the judgemental, "Holier than Thou" attitude from my friends, especially my best friend. Who knew every intimate detail of how very unhappy I was in my relationship and Still made false accusations about me. To be honest, it was Heartbreaking and was strangely more difficult to deal with than the break up of my long term relationship. I was relying on my friends, especially my best friends to comfort and support me through this difficult time. Ironically, the person who I broke up with was the only person who sympathised, when our and My closest friends sided with him and distanced themselves from me!! I have always been a very loyal friend and made a lot of sacrifices to help them in their hour of need. So the betrayal hurt so much more".

There is not much research on the effects of divorce and friendship, however, most studies have indicated that this behaviour and pattern is common. People admit that they are uncomfortable with their friends divorcing and do not know what to do in this type of situation. I believe these studies can also be broadly applied to Chloe and other couples who have broken up after a serious, long term relationship. Divorce or serious, long term relationship break ups inevitably changes the dynamics in relationships, especially when it comes to friendships.

Chloe is not alone when it comes to experiencing relationship problems. Ashlee and Shaun had been married for six (mostly unhappy) years, when they came for appointments at El'ohim Clinic seeking FertilityCare treatment and holistic counselling. Ashlee had some women's health issues that were affecting her moods, she had a hormonal imbalance that resulted in bouts of angry outbursts, anxiety and depression. Her health issues had existed before they were married, as the years went by her untreated condition was progressively worse. Shaun stated that he could not deal with his wife's behaviour, they would have major arguments over the most trivial matter. When he came home from a long day of work to find a very unclean house because Ashlee was feeling too depressed to get out of bed to "do anything productive". Ashlee stated that Shaun was emotionally distant and didn't understand how it felt to deal with her health issues on a daily basis. She felt that Shaun was "insensitive and doesn't validate what I am feeling".

Through several sessions to manage Ashlee's women's health issues and marriage counselling, Ashlee was given treatment for her hormonal imbalance. They also gradually learned to understand each other and rebuilt their very unstable relationship. At the final session, Ashlee shared that she had been seriously contemplating about divorcing Shaun, but the marriage counselling sessions had reminded her why they fell in-love in the first place. Shaun also shared that the holistic counselling sessions had made him more aware of his need to be more loving, supportive and sensitive to his wife. Shaun's change of attitude and behaviour towards his wife was the catalyst for a major positive change in their marriage.

Fortunately, many couples like Ashlee and Shaun are able to avoid the horrible, rollercoaster of experiencing a divorce. However, for some couples they have drifted so far apart for various reasons, that eventually they see no other option but to seek a divorce or break up from their serious, long term relationship. This is when the emotional rollercoaster begins and with it involves the inevitable loss of friendships and the sinking feeling of loneliness.

From Chloe's own experience, she shared that it was one of the hardest situations that she had ever dealt with: "It felt like I was grieving the "death" of a loved one despite the fact that I chose to end the relationship. I eventually came to the realisation that I was grieving over the "death" of my unfulfilled dreams with him. It was initially a difficult process, but through prayer and over time I experienced God's healing touch in my life".

Relationship break-ups have negative aspects but they can also have positive aspects. It is a doorway to a renewed life with new experiences, new opportunities and making enriching new friendships. You will become a different and stronger person, with a renewed identity separate from been identified as "the other half" of the previous relationship.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.
(Colossians 3 )


I wish you good health of body, mind and spirit.

Drinking and Smoking Increases the Danger of Disability for Your Baby

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
can lead to developmental issues
such as aso learning disabilities or
growth deficiencies.

The Detrimental Effects of Alcohol Consumption on Female and Male Fertility

It would seem that it is common knowledge, that if a couple are trying to conceive then it would be wise to abstain from consuming alcohol completely. Numerous studies have proven that consumption of large quantities of alcohol has a very negative and damaging effect on the couple's fertility.

Surprisingly, there are many individuals and couples who are oblivious to alcohol's deterimental impact on fertility. Linda and Tim are a couple in their early thirties, they have been regular and heavy consumers of alcohol and cigarettes since their teenage years. They have been married for four years and have been trying to conceive for two and a half years. Tim is a fly in-fly out worker leaving Linda at home to find her own company for five weeks at a time, hence the partying and heavy drinking continues with her friends. Once Tim returns home the couple go on holidays and drink excessively at an overseas resort. Linda laments that she has difficulty to conceive. At this stage, it is not surprising why Linda and Tim have not acheived their goal of pregnancy.

When Linda and Tim attended a FertilityCare appointment at El'ohim Clinic, she stated that she eats fresh fruit and vegetables daily and exercises on a regular basis, so in her opinion she was living a "healthy lifestyle". Linda was very surprised when they were informed that their heavy drinking and chain smoking contributed to their infertility issues. Linda stated, "I didn't know that, why didn't anyone tell me earlier?".

Studies have proven that excessive alcohol consumption is associated with a multitude of ovulatory dysfunctions. It can affect a woman's ability to menstruate, ovulate and affects her ability to produce fertile cervical mucus, which is a vital factor for conception.
Medical specialists have warned women who are trying to conceive or are already pregnant to abstain from alcohol consumption. This is a preventative measure to protect the unborn baby developing Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, which can lead to development issues such as learning disabilities, damage to the central nervous system, growth deficiencies. Other negative effects include an increased risk of premature birth and miscarriages.

For males, research has evidenced that the quality, quantity and mobility of sperm is significantly inferior for regular consumers of alcohol compared to their peers who completly abstain. Consumption of alcohol has also been shown to inhibit the body's absorption of nutrients such as zinc, which is one of the most important minerals for male fertility.

Linda and Tim in additional to their FertilityCare appointments also commenced Lifestyle Assessment sessions, which gave them a holistic overview of their fertility issues and lifestyle. They were advised to eat specific fertility foods, modify their sleep routine, learned how to remove unnecessary stress when counselled and obviously they were advised to eliminate alcohol and cigarette consumption. To be honest it was not an easy process, there was initial resistance when they were instructed to completely give up their unhealthy lifestyle. However, as time passed they found their change in lifestyle much easier and their fertility improved. Today they have a healthy one year old boy and Linda states that "It was a life changing event, not only did we conceive our beautiful boy but we learned information that helped us to have better general health".

To conclude, El'ohim Clinic strongly recommends that when couples are attempting to conceive it would be wise to abstain from alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine or any other negative external factors that could hinder their chances of falling pregnant.

I wish you good health of body, mind and spirit.

Depression and Infertility: An Emotional Journey for Women and Men




For many couples around the world, not been able to conceive a child of their own can be heartbreaking and creates unnecessary tension in the relationship. Sarah and Daniel were married for six years and had been trying to fall pregnant for the latter four years of their marriage. Every month Sarah would eagerly wait for her period Not to come, when her period didn't occur on the expected date she would excitedly do a home pregnancy test. Month after month, she would come out of the bathroom with a negative result showing on her pregnancy test and cried silently. One particular evening, Sarah stormed out of the bathroom in a fit of rage and utter frustration at her situation yelling, "Why is GOD punishing us? Why won't He give us a baby?". Daniel who was relaxing on the sofa watching TV, looked up to see his wife smashing the dirty dinner plates and then collapsed to the kitchen floor sobbing uncontrollably. Daniel could not help but feel moved by his wife's plight and emotional devastation. Daniel stated that he "Felt helpless and maybe I had failed as a man because my wife was not pregnant yet".  Unfortunately, Sarah had gradually become depressed over time and now she had "hit a wall".  


Women and men, just like Sarah and Daniel can benefit from professional assistance to cope with the emotional journey of infertility. When a couple are experiencing fertility issues, it can often leave the male feeling that he is a "failure as a man", just like Daniel did. Some women have shared with me when they have attended a FertilityCare appointment at El'ohim Clinic, that "My life is not complete until I have a baby". Other women have shared that they are worried their husband will leave them if they are not able to fall pregnant soon. This is a lot of pressure and stress that is compounded to an already difficult and emotional situation and can often lead down to a dark road of depression. 
Desperate to try anything that will help them acheive their ultimate dream of starting their own family, couples invest thousands and thousands of their hard earned money into artificial reproductive fertility treatment. In some cases, couples have even re-mortgaged their house to finance their artificial reproductive fertility treatments, a lot of the time without success. Leaving them with loss of hope that their family will ever eventuate, loss of money and sadly, a loss of good well being in their emotional-mental state and sometimes in their relationship. Infertility can cause depression and depression can cause infertility, it is a vicious cycle that can be difficult to escape. Studies have shown that men and women who receive counselling and support during these difficult times, can overcome depression, grief, anxiety, restore their relationship and hence lead them onto the path of wholeness, to resolve their infertility issues and conceive naturally. 


At El'ohim Clinic, we provide professional counselling and comprehensive treatment for fertility issues, life-style assessment sessions can also be provided to look at your fertility from a natural and holistic perspective: physical, mental-emotional needs, diet and spiritual needs. This enhances and maximises your FertilityCare treatment. Daniel and Sarah commenced the El'ohim Clinic: FertilityCare journey many years ago and have since conceived two beautiful children, a 5 year old son (Christian) and a 2 year old daughter (Emily).


I wish you good health of body, mind and spirit.

One wholegrain sandwich with a side of infertility and other health problems please...

Against my better judgement, I have recently been eating more than my usual share of bread.  Every Sunday at the new church I attend, the "bread van" arrives delivering large bags and large containers of bread and bread products. Church members will routinely take as much bread as they need or want, and have enough bread to last them a week or longer. A few weeks ago, I suddenly noticed a change of my overall well-being. I was feeling fatigued, sluggish, I had a "brain fog" and would have to resist the urge to fall asleep not long after consuming my  innocent looking tomato sandwich.  I didn't immediately make the connection between my change of diet and my sudden drop in energy levels or the sporadic joint and muscle pain. 

When I finally made made the connection, it was almost like an epiphany for me. Why?? You may ask. I realised that many of the women with fertility issues, such as PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome) and endometriosis who I had assisted over the years at El'ohim Clinic- FertilityCare,  had indicated that they had gluten intolerance issues or felt bloated and unwell after eating anything consisting of wheat-gluten. These women varied in age, race, cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, but there was a relatively high prevalence of women suffering from IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), Celiac Disease and other gastrointestinal disorders. There are high reports of women who crave large amounts of bread and other wheat products, such as pasta and cakes mostly around the time that they have PMS (PreMenstrual Syndrome) and this is when the side effects of their wheat-gluten consumption manifest more aggressively. 

Excited by my new discovery, I decided to do some research to confirm this theory. To my surprise there was a plethora of information available on the connection betweem wheat-gluten, infertility and other health problems. This topic is becoming more prominent as people, especially the health-medical professionals bring this valuable information to light for their clients and the general community to increase awareness of this health issue. 

The reason why wheat-gluten is an adversary to women's fertility and overall health is due to gluten, impairing the body's ability to absorb important nutrients needed to maintain normal hormonal regulation. Eating bread for instance, can temporarily increase the blood sugar levels and affects the regulation of insulin that is needed for your body to function. This is why, people becoming sluggish and fatigued after eating foods such as bread, pastries and pasta. There have also been studies that showed the correlation between gluten intolerance and miscarriage. This finding in particular can often be very surprising  to people, who hear about this study.

So far I have spoken about the side effects of eating wheat-gluten on women and their fertility. However, studies have also found that men who eat wheat and have a gluten intolerance, can inadvertently impair their sperm production. Healthy sperm production is needed to increase conception and to decrease the chances of having defective male fertility. 

Cutting out wheat from the Western diet in particular can seem very difficult. To illustrate, when I was conducting a Lifestyle Assessment recently, a client couple listed what they typically ate on a regular basis. They would have several slices of toast or oats in the morning, a muffin for morning tea, a sandwich for lunch and at dinner time, they would eat pasta.  It was no wonder that they were often feeling unwell and fatigued. Once they gradually eliminated wheat-gluten out of their diet and incorporated particular Fertility Foods that I recommended, their fertility and their overall health improved dramatically. Within just over a month, they were able to conceive their first baby they had been so anxiously waiting for. The first step was to remove all the toxins from their bodies and replenish it with wholesome, fresh, Fertility Foods. 
I hope you take inspiration and encouragement from this couple's success and take the right steps towards been pro-active about your fertility and health goals.

I wish you good health of body, mind and spirit.

Coffee and Your Fertility

I have to admit, that I enjoy drinking coffee: the aroma, the velvety taste and I even admire the artwork done on my well made cappucino at my favourite boutique cafe. I haven't always been a coffee drinker, I had always been a "Hot Chocolate Girl" and couldn't understand why so many people liked drinking coffee so much. I was offered my first taste of coffee by my boyfriend at the time. He would drink espresso, not just any ordinary espresso either, but the sophiscated kind with the fancy Italian names and he would always finish the last drop with a very satisfied look on his face.

I was curious and before long, I was hooked on this beverage called coffee. Yes, I was actually hooked on this hot beverage, that I had ignored for all these years! I couldn't believe it and neither could my family who are very health conscious. Now that I drank coffee, I could have a "real" coffee catch up with my friends and not be the odd one out with the small glass of lonesome hot chocolate on the side. However, I do feel guilty drinking coffee at times, despite the fact that I have drastically cut down my consumption of this tasty hot drink.

There are so many reasons why people drink coffee, the main reason is that it is a stimulant that keeps coffee drinkers alert in the morning or late in the afternoon. Some people are even addicted to coffee and state that they can't function without drinking at least 3-4 cups of coffee daily. However, regardless of the reason why people drink coffee, the reality is that they should not be drinking it. There are more negatives than positives to drinking coffee, the most obvious is the side effects on your health. In particular, for women and men coming to El'ohim Clinic-FertilityCare, there are many reasons why drinking coffee and caffeine in general, affects their fertility. For men it affects their sperm production and for women it affects their cervical mucus production, obviously this can reduce or even eliminate their chances of conceiving. Drinking coffee on a regular basis can even heighten a couple's chances of having a miscarriage. There is a lot more to this and sometimes couples sit in disbelief and resistance, that the ordinary cups of coffee they have everyday, several times a day can play a contributing role to their infertility.

I am not an advocate of coffee lovers going "cold turkey" on their coffee consumption. I always suggest that it should be a gradual process, until they are physically and psychologically prepared to give up coffee completely. This is to prevent the caffeine withdrawal symptoms, that some coffee drinkers experience. I need to point out, that drinking de-caffeinated coffee is not the same as completely eliminating coffee out of the diet. Sorry, no cheating :) When a coffee is labelled as de-caffeinated, it does not mean that there is no caffeine, it just simply means that the caffeine present in the coffee is not at a level that is considered as "regular" coffee.

There are alternatives to coffee, such as drinking herbal teas that taste good and are good for you. I also recommend a particular women's health herbal tea for clients, it assists with promoting fertility, preventing miscarriage, assisting a women to recover after giving birth and helps with general women's health issues such as PMS (Pre-menstrual Syndrome). Eliminating coffee gives the body an opportunity to cleanse the body of the built up toxins.

Think about it, coffee plantations are sprayed with all sorts of pesticides and herbicides and who knows what else. Do you really want that absorbed into your bloodstream or affect the health and development of your unborn child? Yes, there are women who continue to drink several cups of coffee on a daily basis, despite the fact that they are pregnant. There is a long list of other side effects relating to coffee consumption, such as joint inflammation but for the purpose of this blog focusing on fertility and women's health, I will not elaborate further.

I strongly recommend that you drink more water, have fresh fruit juices or some other healthy and natural alternative, if you don't like hot beverages or herbal teas in particular. Your body will be healthier. As I always tell my clients: You need to have good general health, before you even start to think about taking action to have good fertility to conceive.

I wish you good health of body, mind and spirit.

Caution: Hand over the Chocolate and stay clear away!!

"Where did You hide MY *#@$*# chocolate?!!!", Jenny screamed expletively at Paul, our work colleague who had decided to play an untimely prank on Jenny the Chocoholic. Jenny was seething with anger and I could practically see the steam coming out of her ears. Paul was laughing and was amused with Jenny's reaction. Meanwhile, I was surprised and a little intimidated to be honest, with the scene playing in front of my eyes. Yes, Jenny was clearly not impressed that Paul had hidden her chocolate, and I was not impressed with her reaction to the prank. However, despite Jenny's unlady-like behaviour, I could understand why she had overreacted. Paul, a new staff member was not aware, that Jenny experienced severe PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome) every month. Her moods swung like a pendulum in a grandfather clock. The only time that she seemed to be calm was when she was eating chocolate or having a cigarette break. 

Jenny snatched her beloved chocolate that was returned to her and I watched as she eagerly unwrapped the red Kit-Kat wrapper and devoured her chocolate with her eyes closed. She then opened her eyes and calmly said with a satisfied smile on her face, "I need at least 60g of chocolate, to get my fix each day".  I smiled at her and thought to myself, "She sounds like a drug addict". Yes, this is a true story that happened over ten years ago at my first workplace, after graduating from university. 

For many women around the world, chocolate is one of the first foods that is craved when a woman is experiencing PMS. It is not surprising that women crave chocolate during this time. The cocoa that is in chocolate, has one of the highest natural sources of magnesium. Women can be deficient of magnesium during the time leading up to their period. Magnesium itself can help individuals to relax and is used to help relieve anxiety. When I share this information with my clients, who come to El'ohim Clinic for women's health issues such as PMS and other fertility related issues, they are very surprised. Some men who accompany the women to their appointment, like to joke that they have PMS because they crave chocolate as well. 

Premenstrual syndrome, more commonly known as PMS includes physical and emotional symptoms, that varies each menstrual cycle and differs from woman to woman. Some women have shared, that before they came for treatment at El'ohim Clinic- FertilityCare they didn't know about the wide range of symptoms associated with PMS. In some cases, the women were not even aware that they had PMS. They assumed that it was "normal" to feel anxious, emotional, angry, fatigued or have migraines leading up to their period. There are other symptoms, such as food cravings for sweet or salty foods, bloating, breast tenderness and depression.

Woman who chart their menstrual cycles every month are able to pinpoint when their PMS symptoms appear in their cycle and have their issues addressed.

 Woman who chart their menstrual cycles every month are able to pinpoint when their PMS symptoms appear in their cycle and have their issues addressed.This can be done with the assistance of a FertilityCare and NaProTechnology medical treatment plan. PMS symptoms that clients are taught to monitor at El'ohim Clinic- FertilityCare, in association with other medical symptoms observed by the FertilityCare team is a sign of hormonal imbalance. Your PMS and other medical symptoms can be treated naturally and holistically, which also includes assessing your lifestyle  for factors such as diet and stress to name a few. 

I have had husbands who joke that they now have a "new wife" after she has received effective treatment for PMS. They share with me that the mood of the house has changed. Instead of avoiding their wife due to frequent tantrums, tension and tears leading up to the period, the atmosphere is much calmer. The wife may sometimes disagree with the magnitude of her anger but admits that she was difficult to live with, when she was at the height of her PMS duration. It is a common story, that I have repeatedly heard from women and couples over the years of my work as a clinician-practitioner. It is what I call the "Jekyll and Hyde" effect,  sweet and amicable one moment and in the words of one woman, "horrid and monstrous" the next moment. 

Yes, PMS is an unpleasant condition that women have to bear to varying degrees each menstrual cycle, that also affects other people that the women interact with either at home or work. I listened with amusement when a close friend told me that some companies, accommodated the high number of women who experience PMS each month, with various initiatives to alleviate their monthly tension. Specifically, the company that he worked for had a room full of porcelain plates, the female employees were encouraged to smash plates whenever they needed to release their anger and tension due to PMS.  In fact, it was so popular it was written into their work contract that they could take these "plate smashing sessions" in lieu of  cigarette breaks. Unbelievable, but true!! :)  

You have most probably heard of women, who do and say terrible things out of anger and then say "Oh, it's not me. It was the PMS". If you're a woman, you may have said this yourself. Athough, I agree that PMS is due to a hormonal imbalance with the presentation of varying physical and emotional symptoms. I do not believe that it is right to contribute the vented anger soley on PMS. Humans have the ability to think, discern and make conscious decisions of what is "right and wrong". Having PMS can compound any emotions of tension, irritation or anger but we can try to control our emotions. We certainly have power over what we speak.  

The Bible speaks about this in, Proverbs 18: 21 - " Life and death are in the power of the tongue".  Which means that we can speak "life" into our relationships with our children, husband, friends and family, by speaking with gentleness and respect. 

Or we can certainly  "kill" our relationships, with our harsh, abrasive words and actions if we are continually not careful. So to clarify, having PMS can contribute to further feelings of anger and tension but we also need to be mindful of what we say and do. Take accountability for your actions, rather than using that common phrase "Oh, it's not me. It was the PMS". Taking a calm approach is less stressful for everyone and will help you to handle PMS much more effectively. 

At El'ohim Clinic- your PMS and other women's health or stress related issues can be addressed with the FertilityCare treatment program and/or Holistic Counselling to maximize treatment.

Undying Love and Special Place For The Unborn Child

Imagine feeling indescribable joy and anticipation at the arrival of your new unborn child, preparations are excitedly made for the big arrival. The special day is even more momentous, especially if it has been a difficult journey trying to conceive for many years. Then one day unexpectedly, you lose your unborn child through a miscarriage. Unfortunately, this happens to thousands of women everyday around the world and also to the women and couples who attend El'ohim Clinic- FertilityCare. In some cases, women can unknowingly have a miscarriage not realising the full significance of the  spotting or light bleeding that occurred at an unusual time in their menstrual cycle. Only to find out from their doctor that they were actually in the earlier stages of pregnancy. 

Ann Romney, devoted wife of Mitt Romney who is the 2012 Presidential candidate for  the Republican Party recently shared her story of having a miscarriage when she was in her forties in an interview with CBS on "This Morning". She spoke about the emotional impact it had on her and especially her youngest son, Craig. Meanwhile, her husband dressed more casually than the public usually see him, was listening with avid interest to his wife's story.  It was interesting to observe that Mitt Romney didn't seem to openly show much emotion when Ann Romney shared about the loss of their unborn baby. The only exception was when she reaccounted the story about Craig's grief over the loss of either a new baby brother or sister.

So what is officially considered a miscarriage? A miscarriage also known as a spontanteous abortion is when an unborn baby dies spontanteously before the 20 weeks of gestation. It is not uncommon for women who are in their forties, like Ann Romney was, to be at a higher risk of having a miscarriage. So yes, the age of the woman when she conceives is an important factor for increasing the chances of a miscarriage. Women in this age group who are able to conceive, are premenopausal and are inevitably not far away from menopause. There is a shift in the hormonal balance. Whether or not a woman is premenopausal or belongs to a younger age group, one of the major causes for a miscarriage is due to progesterone deficiency. This can be addressed with natural progesterone treatment available through FertilityCare and NaProTechnology treatment. 

Women and couples who have experienced the loss of their unborn child, can often experience a range of emotions. Most obviously are the feelings of immense sorrow, grief and guilt. I remember one grief stricken woman telling me her feelings of loss were so overwhelming that she wanted to die. The woman had miscarried her baby over 20 years ago, but even to the day she was sitting in my office. I could feel and see her overwhelming pain and sorrow as tears streamed down her face. Time as they say, does not always lead to healing. The emotions were sadly still fresh and very real, despite the passage of time. 

It is not uncommon for women who have lost their unborn child to have feelings of guilt and start thinking about all the things that they should or shouldn't have done, that may have prevented the miscarriage. I have had several women over the years who say that GOD is "punishing" them for having pre-marital sex in their teenage years, that consequently got them pregnant and ended with them having several induced abortions. Obviously this is not true, but it can sometimes be very hard to change their mindset about this when they are so adamant that this is the "hand of GOD". 

Although, Ann Romney's miscarriage happened over 20 years ago it is obvious that it still has an emotional impact on her life. It would be hard not to be affected especially when the consequence of her miscarriage, bore such a heavy emotional weight for her youngest son at the time. She retold the story with such vividness, as though it had only happened recently.  Craig was not only grieving over the loss of a new brother or sister but also the loss of what could have been. In his case, most presumably the honour of being an older brother to his younger sibling and having a new playmate to nurture in his own special way. His dreams of being an older brother were shattered at that moment in his young life, when his mother gently spoke to him about the death of the newest family member. 

Ann Romney shared that her son, Craig had being "holding this sorrow inside of him....having no one to speak, no one to comfort him". This is a good example of how it can be psychologically, for father's who have lost their baby through miscarriage. Although it is unintentional, when a couple experience the loss of their baby the focus is centred more heavily on the mother's psychological well being. That is not surprising, considering she is the parent who experienced the physical termination of the pregnancy. Meanwhile, the husband does his best to remain "strong" for his wife when he is equally or in some cases that I've witnessed is seemingly more devasted about the loss of his unborn baby than his wife. So he internalizes his grief and loss by shutting everyone out, including his wife and buries himself with longer hours of work or other projects to escape the emotional pain.  At El'ohim Clinic- Counselling, I have had the priviledge of being included in the emotional journey of these grieving parents and seeing how they gradually heal when they come to terms with their loss. However, I think that there will always be an emotional scar that may not fade away, especially when there is a resurrgence of emotions around the time of the death anniversary. The experience of having a miscarriage and the healing process  is always going to be different for every parent, but one common ground that they all have is the undying love and special place that they hold deeply in their heart for the unborn child that they never got the chance to kiss and hold in their arms.