How To Get Strength While Facing Divorce?

"Seems like even her old girlfriends might be talking her down. She's got her name on the grapevine......She always figured that they were her friends, but maybe they can live without her. It used to be her town, it used to be her town too.....Well, people got used to seeing them both together but now he's gone and life goes on. Nothing lasts forever, oh no....Some of them his friends, some of them her friends, some of them understand. Lord knows that this is just a small town city.....It used to be her town, it used to my town too".

These words written and sung by James Taylor over thirty years ago, about divorce is still poignant several decades later. Often when couples get divorced or break up from a serious, long term relationship, they unintentionally end up having a "divorce" with their friends as well. This is when the couple involved will find out who their true friends are.....or if they even have any!!

A former client named Chloe, who attended counselling sessions at El'ohim Clinic allowed me to share her story....

"When I was a young girl, I dreamed about getting married to my "Prince Charming" just like in the Disney fairytales, sharing my life journey with my best friends and we would all "live happily ever after". Sounds so naive... yes, I know. However, life is Not a fairytale and the "princess" grew up to realise that not everything is "sugar and spice" and life doesn't always go according to plan. During my university days, I was in a serious, long term relationship, we were in-love and were going to get married and live happily ever after. Some of our friends even said we were a "match made in heaven" and although we were not married we looked like a "long time married couple". To cut the story short, I realised after several years that I was merely existing in an unhealthy relationship and I was actually "in-love" with the idea of being in-love and all the wonderful events that I thought would have followed a wedding. I had accepted that when I ended the long term relationship that there would be no more dreams of starting a family and living in a lovely house with a "white picket fence" with him.

I was totally unprepared for the "vanishing act" that followed with my supposedly closest and loyal friends. One moment we are vowing "sisters for life" and "one big happy family through thick and thin" and the next minute, no more party invitations or calls to arrange a "catch up", my close friends even "unfriended" me on Facebook... I was invisible and didn't exist anymore. Were the ten years of close friendships, just a figment of my imagination? Worse still, were the judgemental, "Holier than Thou" attitude from my friends, especially my best friend. Who knew every intimate detail of how very unhappy I was in my relationship and Still made false accusations about me. To be honest, it was Heartbreaking and was strangely more difficult to deal with than the break up of my long term relationship. I was relying on my friends, especially my best friends to comfort and support me through this difficult time. Ironically, the person who I broke up with was the only person who sympathised, when our and My closest friends sided with him and distanced themselves from me!! I have always been a very loyal friend and made a lot of sacrifices to help them in their hour of need. So the betrayal hurt so much more".

There is not much research on the effects of divorce and friendship, however, most studies have indicated that this behaviour and pattern is common. People admit that they are uncomfortable with their friends divorcing and do not know what to do in this type of situation. I believe these studies can also be broadly applied to Chloe and other couples who have broken up after a serious, long term relationship. Divorce or serious, long term relationship break ups inevitably changes the dynamics in relationships, especially when it comes to friendships.

Chloe is not alone when it comes to experiencing relationship problems. Ashlee and Shaun had been married for six (mostly unhappy) years, when they came for appointments at El'ohim Clinic seeking FertilityCare treatment and holistic counselling. Ashlee had some women's health issues that were affecting her moods, she had a hormonal imbalance that resulted in bouts of angry outbursts, anxiety and depression. Her health issues had existed before they were married, as the years went by her untreated condition was progressively worse. Shaun stated that he could not deal with his wife's behaviour, they would have major arguments over the most trivial matter. When he came home from a long day of work to find a very unclean house because Ashlee was feeling too depressed to get out of bed to "do anything productive". Ashlee stated that Shaun was emotionally distant and didn't understand how it felt to deal with her health issues on a daily basis. She felt that Shaun was "insensitive and doesn't validate what I am feeling".

Through several sessions to manage Ashlee's women's health issues and marriage counselling, Ashlee was given treatment for her hormonal imbalance. They also gradually learned to understand each other and rebuilt their very unstable relationship. At the final session, Ashlee shared that she had been seriously contemplating about divorcing Shaun, but the marriage counselling sessions had reminded her why they fell in-love in the first place. Shaun also shared that the holistic counselling sessions had made him more aware of his need to be more loving, supportive and sensitive to his wife. Shaun's change of attitude and behaviour towards his wife was the catalyst for a major positive change in their marriage.

Fortunately, many couples like Ashlee and Shaun are able to avoid the horrible, rollercoaster of experiencing a divorce. However, for some couples they have drifted so far apart for various reasons, that eventually they see no other option but to seek a divorce or break up from their serious, long term relationship. This is when the emotional rollercoaster begins and with it involves the inevitable loss of friendships and the sinking feeling of loneliness.

From Chloe's own experience, she shared that it was one of the hardest situations that she had ever dealt with: "It felt like I was grieving the "death" of a loved one despite the fact that I chose to end the relationship. I eventually came to the realisation that I was grieving over the "death" of my unfulfilled dreams with him. It was initially a difficult process, but through prayer and over time I experienced God's healing touch in my life".

Relationship break-ups have negative aspects but they can also have positive aspects. It is a doorway to a renewed life with new experiences, new opportunities and making enriching new friendships. You will become a different and stronger person, with a renewed identity separate from been identified as "the other half" of the previous relationship.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.
(Colossians 3 )


I wish you good health of body, mind and spirit.

Drinking and Smoking Increases the Danger of Disability for Your Baby

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
can lead to developmental issues
such as aso learning disabilities or
growth deficiencies.

The Detrimental Effects of Alcohol Consumption on Female and Male Fertility

It would seem that it is common knowledge, that if a couple are trying to conceive then it would be wise to abstain from consuming alcohol completely. Numerous studies have proven that consumption of large quantities of alcohol has a very negative and damaging effect on the couple's fertility.

Surprisingly, there are many individuals and couples who are oblivious to alcohol's deterimental impact on fertility. Linda and Tim are a couple in their early thirties, they have been regular and heavy consumers of alcohol and cigarettes since their teenage years. They have been married for four years and have been trying to conceive for two and a half years. Tim is a fly in-fly out worker leaving Linda at home to find her own company for five weeks at a time, hence the partying and heavy drinking continues with her friends. Once Tim returns home the couple go on holidays and drink excessively at an overseas resort. Linda laments that she has difficulty to conceive. At this stage, it is not surprising why Linda and Tim have not acheived their goal of pregnancy.

When Linda and Tim attended a FertilityCare appointment at El'ohim Clinic, she stated that she eats fresh fruit and vegetables daily and exercises on a regular basis, so in her opinion she was living a "healthy lifestyle". Linda was very surprised when they were informed that their heavy drinking and chain smoking contributed to their infertility issues. Linda stated, "I didn't know that, why didn't anyone tell me earlier?".

Studies have proven that excessive alcohol consumption is associated with a multitude of ovulatory dysfunctions. It can affect a woman's ability to menstruate, ovulate and affects her ability to produce fertile cervical mucus, which is a vital factor for conception.
Medical specialists have warned women who are trying to conceive or are already pregnant to abstain from alcohol consumption. This is a preventative measure to protect the unborn baby developing Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, which can lead to development issues such as learning disabilities, damage to the central nervous system, growth deficiencies. Other negative effects include an increased risk of premature birth and miscarriages.

For males, research has evidenced that the quality, quantity and mobility of sperm is significantly inferior for regular consumers of alcohol compared to their peers who completly abstain. Consumption of alcohol has also been shown to inhibit the body's absorption of nutrients such as zinc, which is one of the most important minerals for male fertility.

Linda and Tim in additional to their FertilityCare appointments also commenced Lifestyle Assessment sessions, which gave them a holistic overview of their fertility issues and lifestyle. They were advised to eat specific fertility foods, modify their sleep routine, learned how to remove unnecessary stress when counselled and obviously they were advised to eliminate alcohol and cigarette consumption. To be honest it was not an easy process, there was initial resistance when they were instructed to completely give up their unhealthy lifestyle. However, as time passed they found their change in lifestyle much easier and their fertility improved. Today they have a healthy one year old boy and Linda states that "It was a life changing event, not only did we conceive our beautiful boy but we learned information that helped us to have better general health".

To conclude, El'ohim Clinic strongly recommends that when couples are attempting to conceive it would be wise to abstain from alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine or any other negative external factors that could hinder their chances of falling pregnant.

I wish you good health of body, mind and spirit.

Depression and Infertility: An Emotional Journey for Women and Men




For many couples around the world, not been able to conceive a child of their own can be heartbreaking and creates unnecessary tension in the relationship. Sarah and Daniel were married for six years and had been trying to fall pregnant for the latter four years of their marriage. Every month Sarah would eagerly wait for her period Not to come, when her period didn't occur on the expected date she would excitedly do a home pregnancy test. Month after month, she would come out of the bathroom with a negative result showing on her pregnancy test and cried silently. One particular evening, Sarah stormed out of the bathroom in a fit of rage and utter frustration at her situation yelling, "Why is GOD punishing us? Why won't He give us a baby?". Daniel who was relaxing on the sofa watching TV, looked up to see his wife smashing the dirty dinner plates and then collapsed to the kitchen floor sobbing uncontrollably. Daniel could not help but feel moved by his wife's plight and emotional devastation. Daniel stated that he "Felt helpless and maybe I had failed as a man because my wife was not pregnant yet".  Unfortunately, Sarah had gradually become depressed over time and now she had "hit a wall".  


Women and men, just like Sarah and Daniel can benefit from professional assistance to cope with the emotional journey of infertility. When a couple are experiencing fertility issues, it can often leave the male feeling that he is a "failure as a man", just like Daniel did. Some women have shared with me when they have attended a FertilityCare appointment at El'ohim Clinic, that "My life is not complete until I have a baby". Other women have shared that they are worried their husband will leave them if they are not able to fall pregnant soon. This is a lot of pressure and stress that is compounded to an already difficult and emotional situation and can often lead down to a dark road of depression. 
Desperate to try anything that will help them acheive their ultimate dream of starting their own family, couples invest thousands and thousands of their hard earned money into artificial reproductive fertility treatment. In some cases, couples have even re-mortgaged their house to finance their artificial reproductive fertility treatments, a lot of the time without success. Leaving them with loss of hope that their family will ever eventuate, loss of money and sadly, a loss of good well being in their emotional-mental state and sometimes in their relationship. Infertility can cause depression and depression can cause infertility, it is a vicious cycle that can be difficult to escape. Studies have shown that men and women who receive counselling and support during these difficult times, can overcome depression, grief, anxiety, restore their relationship and hence lead them onto the path of wholeness, to resolve their infertility issues and conceive naturally. 


At El'ohim Clinic, we provide professional counselling and comprehensive treatment for fertility issues, life-style assessment sessions can also be provided to look at your fertility from a natural and holistic perspective: physical, mental-emotional needs, diet and spiritual needs. This enhances and maximises your FertilityCare treatment. Daniel and Sarah commenced the El'ohim Clinic: FertilityCare journey many years ago and have since conceived two beautiful children, a 5 year old son (Christian) and a 2 year old daughter (Emily).


I wish you good health of body, mind and spirit.

One wholegrain sandwich with a side of infertility and other health problems please...

Against my better judgement, I have recently been eating more than my usual share of bread.  Every Sunday at the new church I attend, the "bread van" arrives delivering large bags and large containers of bread and bread products. Church members will routinely take as much bread as they need or want, and have enough bread to last them a week or longer. A few weeks ago, I suddenly noticed a change of my overall well-being. I was feeling fatigued, sluggish, I had a "brain fog" and would have to resist the urge to fall asleep not long after consuming my  innocent looking tomato sandwich.  I didn't immediately make the connection between my change of diet and my sudden drop in energy levels or the sporadic joint and muscle pain. 

When I finally made made the connection, it was almost like an epiphany for me. Why?? You may ask. I realised that many of the women with fertility issues, such as PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome) and endometriosis who I had assisted over the years at El'ohim Clinic- FertilityCare,  had indicated that they had gluten intolerance issues or felt bloated and unwell after eating anything consisting of wheat-gluten. These women varied in age, race, cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, but there was a relatively high prevalence of women suffering from IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), Celiac Disease and other gastrointestinal disorders. There are high reports of women who crave large amounts of bread and other wheat products, such as pasta and cakes mostly around the time that they have PMS (PreMenstrual Syndrome) and this is when the side effects of their wheat-gluten consumption manifest more aggressively. 

Excited by my new discovery, I decided to do some research to confirm this theory. To my surprise there was a plethora of information available on the connection betweem wheat-gluten, infertility and other health problems. This topic is becoming more prominent as people, especially the health-medical professionals bring this valuable information to light for their clients and the general community to increase awareness of this health issue. 

The reason why wheat-gluten is an adversary to women's fertility and overall health is due to gluten, impairing the body's ability to absorb important nutrients needed to maintain normal hormonal regulation. Eating bread for instance, can temporarily increase the blood sugar levels and affects the regulation of insulin that is needed for your body to function. This is why, people becoming sluggish and fatigued after eating foods such as bread, pastries and pasta. There have also been studies that showed the correlation between gluten intolerance and miscarriage. This finding in particular can often be very surprising  to people, who hear about this study.

So far I have spoken about the side effects of eating wheat-gluten on women and their fertility. However, studies have also found that men who eat wheat and have a gluten intolerance, can inadvertently impair their sperm production. Healthy sperm production is needed to increase conception and to decrease the chances of having defective male fertility. 

Cutting out wheat from the Western diet in particular can seem very difficult. To illustrate, when I was conducting a Lifestyle Assessment recently, a client couple listed what they typically ate on a regular basis. They would have several slices of toast or oats in the morning, a muffin for morning tea, a sandwich for lunch and at dinner time, they would eat pasta.  It was no wonder that they were often feeling unwell and fatigued. Once they gradually eliminated wheat-gluten out of their diet and incorporated particular Fertility Foods that I recommended, their fertility and their overall health improved dramatically. Within just over a month, they were able to conceive their first baby they had been so anxiously waiting for. The first step was to remove all the toxins from their bodies and replenish it with wholesome, fresh, Fertility Foods. 
I hope you take inspiration and encouragement from this couple's success and take the right steps towards been pro-active about your fertility and health goals.

I wish you good health of body, mind and spirit.